Still Standing: My Testimony
December 4th 2022… I still remember the chain of events that took place exactly one year ago, today. I was so exhausted from my friend’s baby shower. Since my mom accompanied me as my +1 to the shower, I’d pre-planned to spend the night with my parents afterwards. I contemplated with my mom what guest room I should sleep in. Choosing my younger brother’s old room as my place of rest; I found myself in a peaceful sleep shortly after my head hit the pillow.
Two hours into my sleep, I was vigorously awakened. Immediately screaming in a pitch unrecognizable to even myself; I realized I’d been struck by a bullet to my knee. Instinctively, I slithered my way from the bed to the floor to avoid being hit again. Something that seemed to be out of a movie, I could see bullets fly by. Calling out to my parents, I laid there scared for the real pain to kick in but also cautious to not fall into panic. My dad comforted me as my mom made the 911 call.
Ironically, an inner contentment came over me. My mind soon considered that whatever was happening in this moment was for God’s glory. That recollection still amazes me to this day! And as much as I’d love to credit myself; this could only be the work of Holy Spirit. As a slew of first responders barged in and took me out on the stretcher; the following chain of events seemed so chaotic yet calm. Almost like terror was happening around me but not actually to me. Another execution of the Holy Spirit.
Being carried out on the stretcher, I determined to focus on the sky. From my peripheral, I could see so many siren lights and hear the many voices of officers, first responders, and neighbors. I was also made aware of a lifeless body that lay in the middle of the street. A war had taken place in this nice, quiet neighborhood. Unfortunately, my parent’s safe haven just so happened to be in the middle of the war zone with nine bullets throughout the house, one planted firmly in my knee and another just inches away from where my mom lays her head at night. As the first responders prepped to transport me to the hospital, my earthly father remained close. I hadn’t shed not one tear that night until he spoke words that would remind me of the love of my Heavenly Father. “God spared your life”, he said. Wow. A tear of gratitude streamed down my face.
On the ambulance ride, there was such a calmness. All I could think about was God and the scripture He had given me earlier that morning. Isaiah 43. It applied so very literal to me that I had no doubt my intentional God was using it to prepare me for this very moment. He’d given me His word to cling onto, not only for that night but for the journey to follow. “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine’’ (Isaiah 43:1), wouldn’t just get me through the night of crazy events. It would sustain me through life.
Isaiah 43:2; “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” That verse would encourage me through the three surgeries I’d have to face. Going from independent to totally dependent on my parents (who by the way are too amazing for words). Being bathed by my mother. Pain after pain. Medicine like clockwork. The temporary limp I’d have to walk with. Insecurity. Tedious Physical Therapy. The bone infection caused by the bullet. Having it removed after seven months. The portable I.V I’d have to walk around with for two months. Anxiety of having to inject my own shots at home. Feeling like no one personally understood. Did I mention pain after pain? Although these experiences were very real for me; I can see now where the promise made in verse two was true. Because I in fact was not “drowned, burned or consumed” lby any of these difficulties.
And verse 4. Oh verse four, how it hits me in a major way. “Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.” It’s a constant reminder of how God spared my life (+ my parent’s); but another’s life in the incident had come to an end. It causes me to recount that He is the Mighty God of war; also called El Shaddai. This verse shuts down every lie of the enemy (even those I’m tempted to believe), regarding my identity. This verse takes me from being a women of many words to a women who becomes speechless when I truly comprehend it. Aside from the few phrases, “How, God? I’ll never understand why You chose me” and “Thank You, God” I become at a loss for words. Because, no matter how good or nice I may seem, I am fully aware that only Christ makes me good. None are good apart from God. Not one (Mark 10:18). Yet I am still “precious, honored and loved” by Him. Not a deserved gift but the gift of His marvelous grace.
Before I drench my keyboard with tears; let’s skip down to verse 10. Because you see, verse ten is what I consider a proclamation over my life. The why for what happened. The reason behind this entire ministry. “But you are my witness,” says the Lord. “You are my servant. You have been chosen to know me, believe in me, and understand that I alone am God. There is no other God—there never has been, and there never will be.” I thought that life with God before this journey was well… a journey. But after this incident, I have come to know Him so much more intimately. We have faced so much together. Transparently, I have not always felt like He was with me during every tough moment. But I know He was. I know He was carrying me through, teaching me personally, pruning me, extending His love through many supportive people and speaking over me. All of it, every last bit of it prepared me for this; The Christ Her. A longing in my heart He’d given me many years ago. It took the process and preparation that stemmed from this incident to make me a steadfast, bold, witness of Christ. A humble servant. One who with every fiber of my being, “understands that He is God alone.” And because of that, I can stand on truth and proclaim it to others. To you.
I often say “Whether I live or transition to the other side of Eternity (heaven), I am good.” But God saw fit to keep me here in this temporary home just a little while longer. For that reason, It’s my goal to make every day purposeful, doing what glorifies God. And although I don’t always get it right, I am fueled with hope and intentionality. I don’t believe my life was spared just for my own benefit but for that of someone else - and I am at peace with that. From this situation, I have truly learned what it means to suffer but still be filled with peace and joy. It’s an oxymoron, I know but Peter describes it so well in 1 Peter 4 as he urges us to not be surprised when difficulties arise but to be glad because it is the trials that make us partners with Christ in His suffering. 1 Peter 4:13 goes on to say that we will have the wonderful joy of seeing His glory when it is revealed to the world. It’s funny how it is in our suffering where we see His hand, glory and love in ways we would otherwise overlook.
As I reflect on what was ordained by God for my good and His glory, my heart floods with gratefulness, reverence and awe of God. And I pray that I never, ever, everrrr get over it. I hope I never forget all He has done for me. And I am grateful that I could invite you to reflect on my testimony alongside me. May it not only serve as my testimony but ignite immeasurable hope for you! A great reminder that what He has done for me, He can do for you. Light and revelation for your own personal journey. Encouragement for your soul. Gratitude in your heart. Something. Anything. And may the one, true, living God -Jesus Christ flood your hearts and be glorified in your lives, forever.
Let’s Pray:
Intentional God, thank You for Your infinite plan for our lives. The things that make no sense to us but that is ultimately for our good. Thank You for Your glory that is seen in both good and seemingly bad. That all things work together for our good. Thank You for calling us Your own, for Your divine protection and divine purposes. Continue to lead us and flood our hearts. May we live each day with purposeful gratitude. Help us to never forget Who You’ve been to us. You are the mighty God Who fights for us, yet so gentle and loving towards us. You are so worthy, O God. We thank You and we love You, Lord.
In Jesus’s matchless name, amen.
