Broken Beauty
As I sat in my car, parked in the hospital’s parking garage; I succumbed to tears, engulfed with so many different emotions. Pain, hopelessness, uncertainty & defeat to name a few. That particular morning, I had awaken to immense pain. In my disparity, l made a same-day orthopedic appointment without even knowing how I would get there. The appointment was just as overwhelming as the pain. My orthopedic seemed way less concerned than I was. His solutions seemed pointless for the excruciating pain in my leg, which resulted from being struck by a stray bullet months prior. All I desired was relief but instead, I was directed to the hospital to have blood tests ran. My pursuit for an immediate solution was now met with even more uncertainty, unresolved pain and a new task.
I felt so helpless but I continued my composure and headed to the hospital. The moment I arrived, I could trace God’s kindness in every single medical personnel that I encountered. At least my suffering hadn’t blinded me to the comfort that God was extending through strangers. Near the final steps of this long process; the medical staff inquired about my injury since I was on crutches. Once I explained the unfortunate incident; they spoke words of life that were too great to fully comprehend at the time. “You’re so strong and your spirit is so beautiful.” “We would’ve never guessed you were going through this.” “God has plans for you. He is with you.”
I didn’t feel strong at all. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t wait to get back to my car so I could cry. The uncertainty, the unhealed pain, the beautiful-spirited people I encountered that morning, God’s kindness that followed me through the entire hospital visit, being seen as strong when I very much felt weak -(strong wasn’t anything I had enough energy to even portray)… Yet, all of these factors are what led me to tears. If I had one word for the flood of emotions, it would be: Overwhelmed. If I had one word for the result of the hospital visit that day, it would be: Rescued.
“Rescued? How?”, You’re probably wondering. Well, while the hospital visit for bloodwork didn’t directly cure the suffering; however, it was that “pointless” hospital visit that contributed some explanation for the pain. It was revealed that the stray bullet in my knee, caused an infection in my bone and therefor resulted in the pain I was experiencing. Fast forward; an accurate, more effective healing journey would begin and it’s still going as we speak -with less pain & now bullet-free.
And this, my good sis; leads me to our focus verse found in 1 Corinthians 1:8b-10:
“We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. 9 In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. 10 And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.”
Maybe your story is different from mine but if you are reading this, I am certain you’ve experienced the feeling of being “overwhelmed beyond the ability to endure”. And no one’s experience of such overburden is greater than another’s because being “crushed” hurts no matter how. For you, it may have been heartbreak, grief, a diagnosis, betrayal or an unexpected life change. No matter what it is, there is redemption found on the other side. The writer here (Apostle Paul), testifies of his inability to endure. So much, that he anticipated death. Paul came to the realization of his inability to overcome in his own strength and therefor, he stopped relying on self. Instead, he placed his dependency where it should’ve been all along.. IN GOD.
This scripture in 1 Corinthians reminds me that there is in fact beauty in our brokenness. Because the Word calls God the Potter and us the clay, I can be confident that His work doesn’t end when I am “crushed on every side”. It is the constant pressing of the Potter that leads to conformity of the clay. The pressing is necessary in the process in which a masterpiece is created and complete. This masterpiece is you and I!! In the midst of our despair, pain and weakness; something beautiful is being produced inside of us. We can take our insufficiencies, brokenness & overwhelm and follow Paul’s wisdom, spoken in the above verses.
Notice how Paul acknowledged that “as a result” of his incapability to endure, he “learned” to rely “only” on God. Wow! It is so important that we don’t skip over these simple, yet crucial key words. Pain led Paul to the constant practice of living a life of God reliance. In other words, pain produced in Paul what it should produce in us; “Reliance on God, rescue by God and confidence in God”.
This is not just a one time act, but a lifestyle we become more prone to do when we realize only He has the power to save us from whatever is overcoming us. And as much as we dislike suffering of any kind, sometimes it helps us view our human strength for what it is when compared to the power of a Mighty God. With every issue, God invites us to fall into His arms, be vulnerable before Him and rely on His strength to “rescue us”. And remember, His rescue is in His timing. As we witness His deliverance and our confidence is increased in Him; He keeps showing up or “continues to rescue us.” And that’s good news!! I hope you let that resonate!!
Sis, I know that physical and emotional pain can make us feel as if there is no resolve but God is the resolution. I understand that sometimes it feels as if God has abandoned us at our lowest point, but He hasn’t. He is present; silently working in the background. Will He always come through immediately or even how we anticipate Him to? No. But He will provide faint traces of His love. Even when our souls refuse to be comforted, He sends us encouragement by way of people, songs and His Word -maybe even this devotional. When it feels like you’ve endured long enough, please know that the greater the suffering, the greater the glory. Hold on to Him for dear life, tears and all. Believe me. Nine months and three surgeries later, from progression to regression and back to progression; the Lord has been my rescue -not with a definitive solution but with His perfect peace and strength.
That day after I got home from the hospital, I cried myself into a nap. I woke up to a song that comforted my heart from the overwhelming day & I knew that it was God. He had been trying to comfort me that entire day, while I was seeking answers from logical places. I had to embrace being completely broken to fully receive His love and care during this process. Even now, I still have no clue exactly what’s to come or what I’m doing… But it feels so refreshing to say that and actually be okay with it -because God knows!! Nowadays, I am just relying on Jesus to lead me day by day and He KEEPS showing up in His own perfect way. He “continues to rescue me” and I am confident He WILL do the same for you! So take heart. It is okay to not have it all figured out. Contrary to what the world says, It is okay to be weak. Place your burdens in His hands. Because, there is no better place to be crushed, than in the hands of the Potter!
Prayer/ Application:
Lord, Thank You that You are the Potter and we are the clay. Take our brokenness and mold us into a masterpiece, for Your glory. Comfort our hearts in times of despair. Forgive us for operating from a place of self. Help us to follow Paul’s example by living a life of God-reliance. Rescue us from what seeks to destroy us. Flood us with Your peace and comfort as we rest in You!
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Find a song that speaks to how you’re feeling and use it as your prayer to the Lord. Or get completely vulnerable before God and pour out your own heartfelt words to Him. This week is all about becoming clay in the hands of The Potter, embracing any broken areas of your life and allowing Him to create a masterpiece in you!
(Silence of My Heart by Will Reagan was the song that comforted my heart.)
